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List of posts by Lane Alexander
This is the page with Lane Alexander's posts on TheSlap.com. Lane Alexander didn't have a account on The Slap, at first. Posts *'Lane: '''I just joined the lotion of the month club. First up: Cookies and Cream! *'Tori:' Lane! You're on TheSlap! **'Lane:' Yeah, I thought TheSlap was student only, til I found out Sikowitz was on here, so I signed up too! **'Sikowitz:' I'm on TheSlap? Since when? *'Lane: Attention all students: It's currently the school counselor's nap time. Try not to have any problems for the next hour. Thank you! *'Lane: '''Synthetic wicker is okay, but there's nothing like the feeling of sitting on all-nature, hand-woven wicker! *'Lane: I'm a school counselor, not a fashion consultant. I will not help you pick out your outfits every morning. So stop calling me, Trina!!! **'Trina:' Then what good are you?!?!?! *'Lane': I would love to have a road named after me. Wouldn't it be cool to live on Lane Lane? *'Lane: '''Etiquette Tip: Students should not make out in the stairwells. Besides it being tacky, it's also a fire hazard. *'Lane: My brother's a chiropractor. He says that wicker chairs aren't good for your posture. We haven't spoken in years. *'''Lane: School is almost here! If you have any questions about your classes or need help picking out a lotion for your skin type, please feel free to ask. *'Lane: '''Whoever keeps switching out my hand lotions with glue, please stop. My hands don't enjoy being stuck together. *'Lane:' My good friend FREDDIE BENSON was at the play with me last night! I've got connections! JEALOUS?! **'André:' Not really, we're ALL friends with Freddie. We met him at Kenan's party. **'Lane: Oh. Drat! Well... I ALSO know Jack Black and that guy from The Big Bang Theory! Jealous now? **'''André: I like those guys. Can you get them to come to our performance this weekend? ** Lane: 'Well I don't really know them, but I've seen them... in person. *'Lane: 'Had 4 dogs follow me to school today. Guess buying bacon-scented hand lotion was kind of a bad move. *'Lane: '''I found a new PearPad on the ground, so I tracked down it's owner and gave it back. I really hope the karma I just earned is worth at least $500! * '''Lane: I want to see some creativity in this year's costume contest or you're disqualified. Just wearing cat ears IS NOT a costume! ** Cat: '''But I always wear cat ears! ** '''Cat: Get it? ** Cat: Cuz my name is Cat and I have ears...Cat ears! ** Jade: Yes we get it! Now stop commenting! * Lane: I originally wanted to be a Guy Dance Counselor. Instead I'm just a guidance counselor. So close, but def not as cool. * Lane: ' Hit the sauna with Rex this morning. He started melting. We had to get him outta there fast! * '''Lane: ' How do we have 12 janitors on staff and the same dead cockroach's been in the men's bathroom all week? *'''Lane: You're supposed to tip your garbage man at the end of the year, but NOT your school counselor?! What kind of world do we live in? *'Lane:' Pickle-scented lotion = not as good as it sounds. Ew. **'Tori:' Um, if it's not as good as it sounds. And it sounds gross in the first place. It must be REALLY gross! *'Lane:' My job at the staff Christmas party: keeping Sikowitz from sitting on the photocopier again. Anyone wanna trade? *'Lane:' Anyone wanna buy a 1998 4-door sedan with 195,000 miles and an electrical issue? **'André:' Lane, you need to work on your sales pitch. *'Lane:' I got family back East complaining about shoveling snow. Meanwhile, I'm mowing my lawn. Might go swimming later. #ChristmasinCali *'Lane:' I got in trouble for dancing in the laundry room at my building. Man, those people take all the fun out of folding socks. *'Lane: '''Uh oh, the coffee maker isn't working. I think I'm just going to call it a day now. Goodbye everyone. *'Lane:' Anyone wanna go with me to the International Lotion Convention this weekend? Imagine it! Lotion samples from around the world! **'Sikowitz:' Any coconut scented lotions perchance? *'Lane:' Ladies, tone down the perfume while at school! Orange + Lavender + Ocean Breeze. It smells like Mother Nature threw up. **'Jade:' Oooh, Lane. Welcome to the land of the bitter and angry! Nice to have some company! *'Lane: Oatmeal by itself... okay. Raisins by themselves... alright. An oatmeal and raisin cookie... Heaven. *'''Lane: Had something stuck between my teeth , used my PearPhone to check it out. In related news, sorry to whomever I just sent a closeup of my molars. **'Sikowitz: '''I was wondering why you sent me a picture of your tooth. Now i know, Apology accepted. *'Lane: I got a bunch of cupcakes delivered to my office as a thank you but they didn't include any milk! How am I supposed to eat them now? *'Lane: '''The best thing about pizza is eating cold pizza for breakfast the next morning. Don't knock it 'til you try it. *'Lane: 'Flying to New York for the weekend. Hopefully Hollywood will still be here when I get back. *'Lane: ' Almost stepped on a rattlesnake! Hiking can be dangerous! **'Jade: ' Yeah, there should really be some sort of warning that you're about to step on a rattlesnake. Like a rattling noise or something. **'Lane: ' No need to get all grunchy. *'Lane: 'Ugh, it never rains in LA...except the day I forget to put the top up on my convertible. *'Lane: 'I wish the school would let me put a jacuzzi in my office. Sometimes I think better when I soak. *'Lane: 'Attention Students: We will be re-asphalting the Asphalt Cafe today. All students must eat their lunches in the indoor cafeteria. **'Tori: We have an indoor cafeteria? **'Jade': I refuse to believe it. *'Lane: '''At airport security. They won't let me take my lotion on board. This vacation is off to a bad start. *'Lane:' I have a doctor's appointment coming up so everyone please try not to need any guidance this Thursday morning from 10-11:30. *'Lane: I decided to taste the batter of a chocolate pound cake I was making and ended up eating the entire bowl. I preheated the oven for nothing. :( *'Lane: '''I just brought towels for the guest bathroom! Wow, my vacation is so boring. *'Lane: 'Playing solitaire. Three cards at a time. I know one card at a time is easier but I like living on the edge. *'Lane: Oh no! All the lotion in my office dried out over the summer. Looks like I have some online shopping to do. *'Lane:' If I wasn't a school counselor, I'd probably be a weatherman. Believe it or not it's more predictable than teenagers! *'Lane:' No, printer you are not out of ink! I just refilled you! Don't lie to me! *'Lane:' I don't know why I even own rain boots. *'Lane:' I think all of my students are awesome! Well, except that barbershop quartet. Man, those guys are annoying. *'Lane:' Okay, watching daytime TV makes me never want to be sick enough to miss work ever again. *'Lane:'Just bought an $8 plum at Hey Foods! I don't splurge on much... but I make an exception for fancy fruits and lotions. *'Lane:' Not mentioning any names, but teachers are NOT allowed to offer extra credit to students for cleaning their houses. **'Sikowitz:' Oh, in that case, who wants to come clean my house for no extra credit? *'Lane:' From this day forth, "sassing" is strictly prohibited at Hollywood Arts. That means you, Mr. Shapiro. *'Lane:' I love all the gifts you guys gave me this year! Except the used exercise VHS. Thanks but no thanks. **'Festus:' Aww, man. I paid almost $2 for that! Talk about ungrateful. Category:TheSlap.com Category:Quotes